Hooray for no brain cancer!

After nearly two months, one CAT scan, two MRI’s, an EEG, one failed “sleep study” and something called Magnetic Resonance Spectroscopy (which seems to involve the same technology used to determine the chemical composition of stars, only pointed right at my skull), I finally got word today that all my various sleep disorders and assorted headache troubles are not, thank god, the result of cancer in the brain.

How’s that for good news?

It’s not every day a guy gets to hear he doesn’t have brain cancer. (Have you heard you don’t have brain cancer today?)

The neurologists still aren’t sure exactly what’s been causing my assorted head problems… Scary words like “tumor” and “biopsy” originally came up when the first MRI showed my hippocampus lit up like Christmas and festooned with festive “little dots.” I’m not sure what that was all about, but it might have something to do with having the test done just a few days after the second-worst migraine of my life. But anyway, the second MRI showed my brain essentially back to normal. (As if it ever WAS! BWAHAHAHAHAHAohdeargodmakeitstop…) The “little dots” might actually be scar tissue from 20 years of chronic migraining, believe it or not. And if the notion of scar tissue on the brain freaks you out… well, join the club, buddy.

They put me on this new seizure medication to cut out the night terrors, and so far it seems to be working. The migraines I’m not as worried about, since they only hit me once a year or so (again, like Christmas). But I have some new meds for that, too, so with any luck this’ll be the end of any health-related blog posting for a long, long time.

Man, that was pretty scary. Not as scary as it would’ve been if I’d actually allowed myself to think about it much, but still… scary.

I have a disc right here filled to brimming with images of my brain, but they won’t open on my computer. So here’s an image of a bride and groom being impaled on Triceratops horns instead:

A bride and groom being impaled on Triceratops horns.

It’s about as good a look inside my head as anything else, to be honest.

Hooray for no brain cancer!